Bad Baby Names - VERIFIED!

The Tina Fey - Amy Pohler movie Baby Mama has hit OnDemand, and it doesn't miss the opportunity to ridicule modern naming practices. During a playground scene, "Remy" and "Cheyenne" are late for a play date with "Wingspan" and "Banjo." Later, Amy Poehler's character gives birth to lovely little "Stef." Short for Stephanie? Nope, it's "Stefani -- as in Gwen." 

To continue my sick day, I found my way to TLC OnDemand and a virgin slate of episodes from Toddlers & Tiaras, one of two competing reality shows about child pageants. Pageants are always promising sources, since pageant moms are already self-selected for the kind of narcissism that leads to bad baby names. Otherwise, how would concepts like "butt glue" and "spray tan" be in a preschooler's vocabulary?

I can't prove it, but I rewound to hear it again and I believe one of the also-rans had a name that sounded like "Contagia."

Continuing on TLC, the Duggers are gonna be grandparents! 20-year-old daughter-in-law Anna has been married to 21-year-old Josh Dugger since around yesterday, and the young couple are joyously committed (at least as long as TLC's checkbook is open, I guess) to "leave it up to God as far as family size." Free Anna! Free Anna! The newly outsourced womb and her husband have, however, promised not to bestow a name beginning with J.

In actual baby name news, LOST star Josh Holloway and wife Yessica are the proud parents of Java Kumala Holloway. I hope they call her Jive.